Januari 27, 2023


Oleh: Muhammad Emil Fajri
(Mahasiswa Sastra Inggris UBB)

By the time you read this journal, there is a high chance that I already dropped dead in the freezing chair with a wet sponge below my feet. But do not think that my death is an unfortunate event, no. Knowing that my life will end soon became such a pleasure to my mind and a sense of relief that I do not have to face or think about them anymore. I beg you, do not take this journal as a diary, but take them as a warning of what humanity must face in the future. I pray you to be dead before the time comes.

The murder of the family of three has spread across this small city. The family consisting of husband, wife, and their sons were found dead in their car with a bullet in each of their bodies. The snowstorm that hit the place for about the past couple of days made finding of the suspect become much harder, but eventually, they successfully catch him trying to run into the woods near the mountainous side. I have no choice but to surrender myself, as two handguns are pointed right at my head. Handcuffed to the back, they took me into their cars and we began to ride into my new home. I tried to, break the cold atmosphere between the two police officers, to which they asked me to shut my mouth. Sighing because of disappointment, my eyes began to wander into the car windows, and realized that a blizzard has occurred once again. I laughed a little and joked that if only they didn't catch me, I will probably be dead of hypothermia. The driver seems pissed off because of my word and began to look back shouting at me to shut the fuck up. With a smile on my face, I began to make mocking faces to piss off the cops more. The one in the "shotgun" position of the car, began to punch his colleague, signaling that a snow avalanche has struck the road ahead. Panicking, whether to hit the break or try to dodge the snow, he began to lose control, and thus our car fell into a steep slope.

When I regain my consciousness, our car has become upside down in this unforgiving blizzard. One of the officers that woke up before me, is already outside and tried to open the passenger door to help me. I can see that his friend, which is the driver, already lies down without a soul behind him. After kicking them, for about a dozen times, he successfully broke the door, and pull me out. While shivering to my toes, I asked him to open my handcuff and said that my left hand is broken. He once hesitated, but as I beg him a couple more times, he agreed to release me from this mini torture device. Upon release, he quickly points a gun at me and told me to swear that “we” will get out from here alive, let’s forget about this police and criminal stuff for a moment. I crossed my finger and said to him “As god as my witness I will never betray you.” Such a naïve and pitiful to this what I assume is a rookie, he trusts someone easily without actually thinking about who is he dealing with.

            Right when he holstered his gun, I quickly land a heavy blow into his right cheek. Surprised by my attack, he cannot do anything but to accept my handful of fists. It was a quite miracle that he did not go down after my first blow since I was well-known for my power, but still, my punch made him staggered. I land another uppercut to make sure he lost consciousness. To be expected, the policeman dropped down beside his dead partner. I took some of their equipment, as well as their coat to increase my survivability in this menacing storm. Of course, leaving the unconscious one here naked is a devilish thing to do, so I put a bullet in his head, to end his miserable life. This made my kill count to an even number.

Supplied with triple-layered clothes, two handguns with their spare magazine, and basic utility items such as a lighter and flashlight, I began to make my journey into this blizzard, in hope that I can withstand them. Going up which is into the main road, seems impossible for me, as the height is approximately 30 meters. I have no choice but to go through the woods to seek shelter, at least until the blizzard calms down. Without any clue where to go, I began to walk aimlessly into the deep forest.

Hour by hour has passed and nothing can my eyes catch. My vision went blurry, and my skin began to turn black, indicating that frostbite is already eating me alive. I was thinking to end my life here using the gun that I have, but somehow, as the blizzard calmed a bit and gave me some vision, I saw a cave not too far from me. I rushed into the cave, without thinking anything further.


Shivering and with a little energy left, I ripped one of the clothes that I wear, and start to light them on fire to provide some heat. I ran outside the cave to gather some broken twig or anything that can feed my little fire. Of course, burning a wet wood is not an easy task. I keep ripping clothes, until I open my first layer and burn them whole. After successfully providing a much decent heat source, I began to plan my next move. As the sun set down, it is physically impossible for me to get through to this snowstorm. My only choice is to wait, or maybe explore this cave much further to ensure my safety. If I want to stay at here, I have to at least secure the premises, because a bear usually hibernating in this type of cave. But then again, as I gaze into the deep cave, I cannot see their end.  All I can see is just pure darkness, an eternal night. Of course, this cannot stop my curiosity of this cave. I took my flashlight and a piece of decent looking wood stick, and began to wander into this one-way cavern.

As I venture deep into the cave, the air strangely become much warmer than outside. The sound of my step and water droplet is the only friend I have right now. Although I know that I should not walk any much further since this cavern is too big to explore, I cannot stop my leg to keep walking deeper, as if there is a magnet that keep pulling me. But something keeps bothering my mind. I feel that, something is following me, or at least “watching” me from afar. I looked back occasionally to make sure but as expected, I found nothing. This strange feeling was strong enough to stop my intention to explore this cavern until I realize my flashlight light has touched the bottoms part.

It is revealed that I have found some sort of, ritual place in this long way cave. Humid air began to possess my inner-self as my footstep fills out this empty space. To my surprise, the place is extensive, furnished by all kind of things that I do not know. Something, that I cannot help but to notice, the most eye-catching thing in this cave, there is a massive circle hole in the middle of this room. Determine to explore more, I began to walk towards the bottomless pit.

As I shine the hole with my flashlight, it seems that my flashlight cannot even penetrated the abyss. The darkness of that pit is unimaginable and I do not wish to see them anymore. Then again, my mind keeps telling me to measure the depth of the hole, although I already know that it is a bottomless pit. I ripped another piece of clothes, broke the stick into to two, and began to craft 2 homemade torches. I lit one of them with fire, and do my biggest mistake of my life, throwing them into the pit. While my eyes entertained by the falling of the torch, a sudden noise of shrieking echoed from every corner of the room, breaking the silence. A scream that still embed into my memory.


With little to no idea what to do, I draw my gun and start pointing at everything that move. My strong leg that I often use to hurt someone and support my body, trembling with fear as I began to lose my balance and dropped into the ground. The scream keeps going for couple of second, until it suddenly stops and tranquility once again take over the place. I begin to stand up, and start preparing to head back into the mouth of the cave, but then another mistake happened. I accidentally gaze into the hole once again and saw the creature that I do not wish to speak their detail. Their obscure shape made me piss myself instantly. I was locked in place and my mind completely fazed. Even though I have a Glock 19 in my hand loaded with 14 9mm bullets, I would not even dare to point or even pull the trigger. Accepting my fate is the only thing I can do.

Suddenly, my legs that were shaking started to run into certain direction. My human instinct to survive took over my body part, as I cannot feel my leg at all. While running I dare not to look back, as I only point the gun into the direction behind me. A couple of shot I released in hope that it can slow whatever is chasing me. Due to the uneven path, I slipped a little and thus my flashlight fell behind. Obviously, I have no time to pick it up, so I just run in the complete darkness. The flash of fire from the gunshot is the only light source I have.

After running for couple of second, the dim light from outside has greeted my eyes. It is already near evening, which is another trouble for me since I dropped my flashlight before. Luckily, the blizzard is no longer rampaging, and thus I can safely go out. I keep running and running until reached the outside, I do not feel that the creature has stopped. I land a couple more shot again toward the cave as a warning shot. Unfortunately, the I still can hear his heavy step, running toward me. My gun went blazing, and I emptied both of my gun while stepping backward.

I should have run when I have the chance, but no. It was too late. The creature, stand in front of his lair menacingly. My puny head cannot even process his form after shined by the toneless sunlight. Its skin, posture, shape, color, face, and everything were unfathomable. All of my body part became trembling, and I dropped down, unconscious.

When I woke up, the first thing that I saw is a light from the light bulb. Observing the place, it turns out I am in some sort of hospital, lies down in a comfortable bed and almost all of my wounds are treated. Groups of police officer was the one who first greeted me state that after my treatment, I will be brought to the court to be judge for what I have done. It was too obvious that the electric chair will be my last resort, since I already killed 4 people including police officers. I tried to explain what I just saw before and told them about the cave that I found, but none of them believed me and they jokingly said “It is just a cold fever you are having.” I tried to warns them once more, and still, none of them believed me. I was in shocked; I have no idea how to warn people about this. But then again, knowing that I will be dead later, brings me a joy. I smiled at them and softly said “thank you.”

Before the day to court, I asked myself once more. Was it just a dream? Was it just an illusion? Was it just me who suffer from the hypothermia and my nightmare started to become real? I have no answer to my question. All I can do is laid back and tried to forget about that creature. Funny, I was once a guy who is not afraid of anything. I feel that I was at the top of the food chains, and I shall devour those who are weak. But reflecting for what happen, I feel that human is just a puny little thing that in their eyes we are not even important. Like a human and ant, we tend to ignore ant existence and only noticed them when they are in our way.

To be expected, the judge grants me the death chair. My attorney, which is something they provided me since I do not have any money to afford one, did not even try to defend me. It makes sense that people hated me for the soul that I have taken. But on top of that, as I mention in the beginning of this “warning”, dying is the best option that I have. Imagining that creature goes out from his lair and start rampaging in this small city is able to make me piss my pant. On top of that, we have no ideas how many more of those creatures exist in this world.

I have no time left to write this journal. Please, I beg you once more. Spread the word of mine. Be prepared for what the humanity must face.





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